Old Balls


"Old Balls" is a slapstick parody of the lives of over the hill "boomer" athletes, as they approach their golden years. Never tiring of the game these half crippled geriatrics respond to the clarion call of "one last kick at the can" when they hear of a match taking place at a Canadian summer camp.

Meatballs meets SCTV meets Canadian Bacon meets Caddyshack meets Nightmare on Elm Street meets This Hour Has 22 Minutes meets Just for Laughs - as all the Canadian stereotypes are melded into one loosely scripted low-budget spoof centred around has-been CFL players, reliving the exploits of their pasts!

The challenge emanates from a brouhaha at a sportsman's dinner when an old grudge disrupts an otherwise yawner of a banquet and two old foes go at it tooth and tong, no holds barred.

When a video of the carnage leaks out, political correctness, anathema to these locker room rednecks, and a public outcry from the "save the whales" liberal meddlers forces the match to go underground, as the hue and cry of public recrimination turns neighbours against one another.
Apologies are demanded on the public airwaves, in newspaper editorials, by Mothers Against Drunken Debauchery, by People for the Ethical Towing of the Line, by City Councils eager to enact laws regulating Brouhahas!

But none are forthcoming.

The word of a rematch leaks out on a local news channel when a curmudgeonly washed up jock reporter spills the beans in a prime time newsclip analyzing the Brouhaha. Suddenly old codgers in geriatric wards, on chiropractic tables, in wheelchairs, in retirement homes, hospital beds, and mental institutes are ignited into action by the combination of nostalgic flashbacks of past hijinks, and the thrill of reliving the exploits of their youth.

This flashback theme is consistent throughout the film, and serves to appeal to a youth audience, who are drawn to the contrast between the handcuffs on the youth of today vs. the relative freedom enjoyed by the boomers in their youth.

Read about The Royal Theatre's History, Restoration and Renaissance.


Check out this Old Balls video on YouTube.

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